Lately I’ve learned something about myself, and it’s weird because I felt like at this point I knew myself pretty well. I have recently figured out that I am very stubborn, subconsciously. I don’t try to have a contrary spirit, but I have noticed that one certainly exists. When I get a notion in my head, a desire for something or even just a suspicion about something, I cannot get rid of it! It doesn’t matter if I know it’s something prideful or outlandish or absolutely capricious, I can’t stop thinking about it until it works out like I want it to. As you can imagine, this sets me up perfectly for failure. Life-1 Jenna-0.
On a related subject, I am still trying to process camp. It’s such an awesome experience, but there are so many different levels of service and learning that happen, it takes some time to work through everything. One issue: memories aren’t as sharp when marinated in time. Another issue: I am an over-analytical person and I don’t do well interpreting things on my own, in text, or after the fact. And that is unfortunately how everything at this point must be examined for understanding.
I feel perfectly at peace with my future, this fall, my friends and family, but I cannot figure out how camp fits into any of that. Right now it feels like camp was a parallel universe, and one where I only knew some of the language and none of the customs… ok, I’m going to stop because I feel ranty, and I hate that, but that’s where I am. Maybe next time I’ll have something more placatory to relay.