it’s hot in the kitchen

so remember that thinking i did when i was seeing beautiful sights? and remember when before i even left i talked about wondering what sorts of issues i’d end up dealing with (because i am a sinner and have to die to myself daily)? well i promise i’m not going to make every post serious and ridiculous, but here’s what’s up.

i always have to deal with my pride, and the way it manifests itself is constantly changing. i know i’ve shared with you about my language stuff, but when i was thinking that day, i realized that i was still being prideful. if you know me at all you know that i always expect a lot out of myself. i have before questioned why i have unrealistic expectations of others, but really i’m pretty sure that’s why. and it’s funny to me how long it takes me to register that i probably do that to myself too. i get frustrated when i don’t understand portuguese or mess up when i’m speaking, but what makes me think that i should be able to do any better than i am doing right now? i’ll tell you, my pride.

it’s like i subconsciously think  that there’s some awesome quality i possess where i should be able to learn things faster or something. i don’t possess it; i’m just prideful. honestly i am doing well with the language. i can generally get the gist of the conversation and even if i can’t say it, often i can think of the words that i want to communicate. no one becomes fluent in a foreign language in a week, and me being so hard on myself and getting upset or crying is just a manifestation of my pride. God has blessed me with the understanding that i do have, and he has given me the perfect group of friends to support and teach me.

if i am truly walking daily with the Lord, then i have to rest in Him as well. i have to let Him bear my burdens and trust that He is sovereign. i should feel a peace just because i am being obedient, and when i am overcome with these negative emotions and thoughts, i am clearly not walking close enough to my Savior.

p.s. here are some pictures of my island city.

this isn't vitoria, but it was the first day the sun came out.
this is from a beautiful tourist neighborhood i can't remember the name of.
vitoria! ...from a distance. so beautiful.

3 thoughts on “it’s hot in the kitchen”

  1. Way to go Jen! And may I say that you support and teach just by sharing. Thank you. And it looks totally awesome there! I love you.

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