so remember that thinking i did when i was seeing beautiful sights? and remember when before i even left i talked about wondering what sorts of issues i’d end up dealing with (because i am a sinner and have to die to myself daily)? well i promise i’m not going to make every post serious and ridiculous, but here’s what’s up.
i always have to deal with my pride, and the way it manifests itself is constantly changing. i know i’ve shared with you about my language stuff, but when i was thinking that day, i realized that i was still being prideful. if you know me at all you know that i always expect a lot out of myself. i have before questioned why i have unrealistic expectations of others, but really i’m pretty sure that’s why. and it’s funny to me how long it takes me to register that i probably do that to myself too. i get frustrated when i don’t understand portuguese or mess up when i’m speaking, but what makes me think that i should be able to do any better than i am doing right now? i’ll tell you, my pride.
it’s like i subconsciously think that there’s some awesome quality i possess where i should be able to learn things faster or something. i don’t possess it; i’m just prideful. honestly i am doing well with the language. i can generally get the gist of the conversation and even if i can’t say it, often i can think of the words that i want to communicate. no one becomes fluent in a foreign language in a week, and me being so hard on myself and getting upset or crying is just a manifestation of my pride. God has blessed me with the understanding that i do have, and he has given me the perfect group of friends to support and teach me.
if i am truly walking daily with the Lord, then i have to rest in Him as well. i have to let Him bear my burdens and trust that He is sovereign. i should feel a peace just because i am being obedient, and when i am overcome with these negative emotions and thoughts, i am clearly not walking close enough to my Savior.
p.s. here are some pictures of my island city.