sometimes i like to try and be inspirational. this is going to be one of those times; consider yourself forewarned.
recently a friend of mine i met several years ago has come back to Vitoria and i’ve been spending a fair amount of time with her; she speaks english very fluently, and she likes a lot of the same music and tv shows and things i do. because of this, i speak a lot of english with her. i know, i know, “for shame, jenna.” but i can’t help it. portuguese gets the best of me some days, and if i’m not having a basic conversation, it’s hard to figure out how to say what i want, if i even know the words to begin with.
so anyways, i talk english, and the other day i realized something. i was in the middle of explaining something and i wanted to stop in the middle of it. i wish i could remember what i was talking about for your sake, but all i remember is thinking “this is completely pointless; why can’t i quit talking?!” it was so odd. i knew that what i was saying was dumb, and i could feel myself losing interest, but i couldn’t stop talking.
don’t leave me yet. i know this sounds silly, but it’s hard to communicate something i’m trying to work out in my head at the same time.
the question i think is “why couldn’t i stop myself?” the answer i think goes something like this.
i was finally getting to speak my native tongue.
i didn’t realize how much less i talk now because of my surroundings.
i say all the important things in my head because they don’t translate well or make sense in this context.
and probably other reasons that make more sense, but i’m not well-versed in psychological analysis yet. so the results of this quasi-revelation are this. it must be important to say things when you feel them. and don’t keep all the important things to yourself, because if you do that, then all you’re left with to say out loud are lame things that people surely either don’t want to hear or will quickly tire of hearing. it reminds me a lot of what i said here, but i still think it’s very relevant. (the crux of that post can be summarized in this quote “But what if one of those mediocre thoughts is the fuel for someone else’s fire, for someone else’s moment of brilliance?” just in case you don’t want to read any more rambling.)
so to summarize in case you’re confused (as am i) now, tell people what you feel and like and learn and know. they’ll appreciate it more than you filling the empty space with irrelevancy and uselessness (which is also to say, don’t talk just to talk; in that instance you should just listen).